We won't sleep together?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
