Will you blow on my dice?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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