Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
