I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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