i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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