Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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