I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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