Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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