and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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