And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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