There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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