I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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