My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
