I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize