for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
