i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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