There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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