JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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