She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
