i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
