i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
