Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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