you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
