He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
