i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
