you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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