I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
