No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
