he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
