I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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