I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
