apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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