believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
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you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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