her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
