is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
