I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
