So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just pee around me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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