I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
