GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
