Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
