Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
