Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
