She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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