I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
