so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
