He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
