I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
