The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
