Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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