You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
