Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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