come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize