That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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