My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There are leaves in my underwear?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
