Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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