I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
