Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
