She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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