As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
