when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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