Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
