Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
