My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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