4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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