omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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