I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
