is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
