oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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