What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
